Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up. From teasing to arguments, conflicts between brothers and sisters are common—and developmentally appropriate. While rivalry can be challenging, it also provides opportunities for children to develop emotional understanding, problem-solving skills, and perspective-taking.
Sibling rivalry often arises from natural developmental needs. Children may compete for parental attention or approval, as they look for reassurance and encouragement. Personality differences and individual temperaments can also lead to conflicts, as children approach situations in unique ways. Age and life stage play a role too: younger children may feel frustrated by limitations, while older siblings may feel pressured by extra responsibilities. Family dynamics, such as a new baby, a move, or parental stress, can also increase tension between siblings.
One of the most effective ways to reduce rivalry is to focus on each child as a unique individual. Avoid comparisons, even when it’s tempting to comment on how one child excels or struggles relative to a sibling. Instead, celebrate progress along each child’s own path and provide support in areas of challenge. Acknowledging personal strengths beyond accomplishments or appearances—such as kindness, creativity, or thoughtful problem-solving—helps children feel seen for who they are, not just what they do. This fosters self-confidence and reduces the impulse to compete.
Sibling rivalry often grows when children feel they are competing for their parents’ attention. Dedicating one-on-one time to each child, even briefly each week, can make a significant difference. Family time is equally important, offering opportunities for siblings to connect in low-pressure environments. Whether it’s playing board games, taking walks in nature, or sharing meals, spending time together strengthens bonds. Consistency matters more than perfection—what counts is making connection a regular part of family life.
Life isn’t always fair, and children may notice differences in expectations, responsibilities, or attention between siblings. Rather than minimizing these feelings, it helps to validate them: acknowledging that a situation feels unfair and difficult. From there, parents can guide children to think about solutions and strategies for coping, fostering resilience, problem-solving skills, and empathy for others’ experiences.
Sibling rivalry also provides an opportunity to teach important life skills. Children can learn to express their needs verbally, take turns, negotiate solutions, and resolve disagreements respectfully. Clear and consistent rules about respectful behavior—no hitting, name-calling, or teasing—create a safe environment where children can learn these skills effectively.
Most sibling rivalry naturally improves as children grow and develop social-emotional skills. However, if conflicts are frequent, intense, or emotionally harmful, professional guidance from a child therapist can help. Therapists provide strategies tailored to family dynamics and individual needs, supporting healthier relationships and emotional growth.
Although sibling rivalry can feel stressful, it is also an opportunity for growth. With guidance and support, children can develop empathy, problem-solving abilities, and perspective-taking skills that will benefit them long after childhood. By celebrating individuality, dedicating quality time, supporting children through challenges, and teaching healthy conflict resolution, families can help children navigate rivalry and build lasting sibling bonds.
Marana Counseling Services, based in Marana, Arizona, provides virtual therapy services to families across Arizona, Michigan, Florida, Ohio, South Carolina, Montana, Utah, New Mexico, Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas and Delaware.
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